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Smarter than a fifth grader
Don’t get me wrong. I like children. I really do. I always stop to admire the
cute little babies in grocery carts, much to the joy of the mommies and
daddies. I even play with the toddlers ahead of me in the check out line.
During my fifteen years of teaching school, I never met a kid I didn’t like.
But I have recently come across a little group of kids who annoy me to
death. My friend Cathy says I am just jealous because they are smarter
than I am.
As I sat in the green room I visited with the parents of those kids who
appear daily on Are You Smarter Than A Fifth Grader? I didn’t tell the
parents that I thought their kids were weird, cocky, and arrogant—
interviewers aren’t supposed to do that. So I pried nicely.
“You must be very proud,” I said to one mother. “Your ten year old just
solved a very complex trigonometry problem in his head.” Daddy spoke up
to tell me the kid can’t figure out how to put the lid back on the trash can
when he does his chores at home.
To another mother I said, “I see your daughter has been wearing the same
dress for four months now. Is that her favorite dress?”
“Oh no,” she replied. “She has lots of favorite dresses but she doesn’t
know how to get them off the hangars so she just puts on the one she left
on the floor the night before.”
There is a cute little redhead who seems to be way ahead of the others in
knowledge. I mean this kid can name every remote island in the world. She
can name the symbols for every element on the periodic table and knows
the name of every star and planet in the universe. I can’t see what good
this information will do her in her future life. She hopes to become a circus
acrobat. The only question she ever missed was “What day will it be seven
days from today?”
Before I left the studio, I was offered a chance to be a contestant on the
show and have a chance to win $100,000. But not even for that kind of
money could I ever look into a camera and say: “I may have a degree in
Theology, and Philosophy, but I am NOT smarter than a fifth grader.”
Cathy says I am weird, cocky and arrogant. However, I can put the lid on
the trash can, and take clothes off a hangar and I am almost sure seven
days from today would be the same day of the week as today. What the
heck is a periodic table, anyway
Don’t get me wrong. I like children. I really do. I always stop to admire the
cute little babies in grocery carts, much to the joy of the mommies and
daddies. I even play with the toddlers ahead of me in the check out line.
During my fifteen years of teaching school, I never met a kid I didn’t like.
But I have recently come across a little group of kids who annoy me to
death. My friend Cathy says I am just jealous because they are smarter
than I am.
As I sat in the green room I visited with the parents of those kids who
appear daily on Are You Smarter Than A Fifth Grader? I didn’t tell the
parents that I thought their kids were weird, cocky, and arrogant—
interviewers aren’t supposed to do that. So I pried nicely.
“You must be very proud,” I said to one mother. “Your ten year old just
solved a very complex trigonometry problem in his head.” Daddy spoke up
to tell me the kid can’t figure out how to put the lid back on the trash can
when he does his chores at home.
To another mother I said, “I see your daughter has been wearing the same
dress for four months now. Is that her favorite dress?”
“Oh no,” she replied. “She has lots of favorite dresses but she doesn’t
know how to get them off the hangars so she just puts on the one she left
on the floor the night before.”
There is a cute little redhead who seems to be way ahead of the others in
knowledge. I mean this kid can name every remote island in the world. She
can name the symbols for every element on the periodic table and knows
the name of every star and planet in the universe. I can’t see what good
this information will do her in her future life. She hopes to become a circus
acrobat. The only question she ever missed was “What day will it be seven
days from today?”
Before I left the studio, I was offered a chance to be a contestant on the
show and have a chance to win $100,000. But not even for that kind of
money could I ever look into a camera and say: “I may have a degree in
Theology, and Philosophy, but I am NOT smarter than a fifth grader.”
Cathy says I am weird, cocky and arrogant. However, I can put the lid on
the trash can, and take clothes off a hangar and I am almost sure seven
days from today would be the same day of the week as today. What the
heck is a periodic table, anyway